There is a strategic mistake or what you might call a sin that, over the years, I have come to understand most people are guilty of:
their reach exceeds their grasp
Or to put it another way:
they don't know their place
While there are things we can change, and certainly there is virtue in pursuing a goal that forces you to grow, there are things that cannot and will not change. For example: a peasant can never truly relate to a king, a tiger can never truly relate to a deer, and you cannot hold the tide with a broom. All this is to say that there are things you cannot change, but more often than not, people lack the humility to accept that which cannot change. Instead they are filled with hubris and rapaciousness, and eventually they are punished for their “sin.”
I suspect people experience this sin most frequently in their dating decisions. Like a child, they fixate on what they want, instead of what they can grasp. We see this in many different scenarios:
These are but a few examples of this common behavior, and what they all share is a greed for that which “exceeds their grasp.”
None of these examples listed above are a “match”:
This is where we begin to confront the hard truth about life in general and dating specifically:
it's not about what YOU want
What I mean is, you cannot FORCE a match. The poor boy might wish and want to be the target of the rich girl’s affection, but he can never match her status, her wealth, or anything else about her life. He can maybe be her servant, and possibly enjoy some occasional magnanimous act, but he can never be her equal in love. This is exactly the plot of the Disney version of Aladdin, which is simply fantasy and unfortunately feeds the delusion that your economic background does not matter.
If we continue with the example of Aladdin, you might ask: “then who matches Aladdin if not the Princess Jasmine?” The answer is simple:
like attracts like
Simply put, it’s someone who is objectively similar to Aladdin. Someone who comes from a similar background (e.g. also an orphan, runaway, etc), someone as feisty and stubborn as he, and someone seeking a better life. The reality is the Princess Jasmine character would NEVER relate to Aladdin even if she wanted to (which really deep down inside, when she’s honest with herself, she doesn’t). And why would she really want to relate to Aladdin? Out of pity? Mercy? Those are not the motivations of someone seeking an equal (which Aladdin can never be).
The truth is real success in life, including dating, comes from understanding your place: where you belong, where you do not belong, and who belongs in what role/place in your life. Aladdin will always be that noble, brave, and kind “street rat” who is the “diamond in the rough”, even with his new found wealth acquired from the Genie of the Lamp this cannot be changed. And while they do depict Princess Jasmine as being tough, kind, and noble like Aladdin, she can never relate to his life, and this is a fundamental chasm that cannot be crossed: she cannot be his “equal.”
It is actually irresponsible for both parties to attempt to pursue a relationship that does not match: they forget their place. And in reality they would both suffer for their irresponsibility. It is when we take the hard path of maturity and wisdom, embracing our place in someone’s life and their place in ours, which is responsible and right, that we can finally succeed in life, and in dating. Princess Jasmine needs to find an actual Prince that, like her grew up in a palace, and understands that life style and all the trappings that come with it. And Aladdin needs to find that feisty, noble, kind, courageous, “street rat” like himself that is also the “diamond in the rough.” That is their respective matches, and there is no amount of wanting or “magic genies” that can change that simple reality:
we do not control who is our match
Rapaciousness runs rampant in the modern world. But the irony of it all is that “grasping” that which is beyond your place (like Aladdin pining for Princess Jasmine) does not lead to a “happily ever after”, but instead more suffering. It is actually when we embrace who we are, “our place” in the world and “our role” in the lives of others, and “their role” in our life, that we actually can achieve that long sought after dream: happiness, peace, and contentment.
But be warned, if you forget your place, you will come to understand the meaning of the age old adage:
be careful what you wish for